I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
