I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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