We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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