I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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