i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
