i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
