You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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