My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
