a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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