They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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