Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
