Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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