One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
