i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
