You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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