I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
