I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
