Everything about him screamed your future.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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