i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
