oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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