I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
