is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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