So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
