I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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