Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
