1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
