Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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