it was like eating out sand paper
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
