She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
