i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
