she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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