addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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