Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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