Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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