So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
