Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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