could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
