shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
