Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
