There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
