Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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