maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
