oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
