I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
