I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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