I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
