I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize