I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
