respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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