I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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