I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
