First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We named our party play list daddy issues
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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