Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
