We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
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he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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