In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She bit a glass in half.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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