just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
