"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
