I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
