I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
