we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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