Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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