OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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