If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
