Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
