I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
