If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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