And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
