Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
