My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are two peas in an std pod
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
