i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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