The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
